Saturday, July 14, 2012

Dragon

I'm lying in a hammock in my sister's back yard, aka. 'The Garden of Eden'. I feel a sense of overwhelming peace that passes all understanding. 
Yes, I just spoke in horrible, biblical cliches! They've been top of mind a lot lately so I'm just going with them. 
The Peace thing is a big deal (awareness) as I  started the day with a debilitating insecure mental buzz. The only way I can think to describe it is similar to a nasty caffeine high at 3 am, only it doesn't wear off. You can't get away from it except to wait. The worst part of the buzz is it started small, a few weeks ago as an inspired, motivated, creative state. A disguise for what the medical profession has labeled on me 'mania'.  I'm blessed to have the most loving caring parents who I've been hanging out with this weekend. I was in the car with my diplomatic dad who apparently witnessed my tell-tale behavior of talking fast. He then reported his concern to my Mum- I love this chain of command. It's the way it is in my family, we watch out for each other fiercely!  There were triggers that are irritatingly consistent so as you think I'd know it was happening. As is almost always the case, I wasn't the first to recognize it happening. I just realized progress though; I wasn't the last....... AND I THINK I CAUGHT IT!

TRIGGERS • lack of sleep and restorative time, art show, new friendships, spiritual growth.
DRAGON TO SLAY •  fear of alone-ness, self abuse, insecurity, working on my own steam, perfectionism.
SYMPTOMS • jitters, un-restful sleeps, creativity, motivation, a lot of ideas, emotional, shortness of breath, dizziness, talking a lot and fast, hyper emotional, spiritual connectedness.

What to do today; well, possibly, exactly what I'm doing.......
1. lie in a hammock
2. breathe
3. pop the air out of the thought bubbles that tell me I'm not good enough and then hope they shut up.
4. sleep (with a little help from my meds)

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