Monday, June 18, 2012

A Year

Paulo Coelho wrote in The Alchemist, "when you want something with all your heart, all the Universe conspires to help you achieve it".
and then he also said,
"When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”

I was just looking back at my year and discovered a challenge I had laid out for myself.
"Be Well. Not for yourself but for those who need you"

The greatest gift one can give the world is to be well.
I'm in training. You know, like an olympic athlete?
My games are being an artist, a mother, a friend and an embracer of life. I really want to be excellent at that list........ perfectionist? Maybe.
I have become closer to ultimate wellness than I ever believed possible and I have had my eyes opened to magic. My wish for my wellness is to be a balanced tri.: spiritual, mental and physical.
I know it involves the hardest decisions, above all. The athlete has to decide not to eat certain foods and to have supportive relationships. I too am working on decisions. Lately, most of mine aren't great. Some of them are, though, and they certainly are better than they used to be.
I guess I would like to be good at truth, clarity and brutal balance. I still err on the side of permitting the unacceptable because I am a harbinger of Love. Sometimes wanting to spread Love can mean letting my guard down and not prioritizing, kind of like a silly flower child. Spreading flower petals is romantic and fun in the moment but it can lead you down a path, off course. Somehow, my vision of balance is spreading petals, in the moment, while prioritizing for extreme personal best.

I love having a thin healthy body and a clean mind but most of all it's my big ass wings that I love. They are attached to an even bigger ass glowing soul that needs to make art!

I am aware that complacency can creep in and in the blink of an eye I'm off the training schedule..... slipping away from my Olympic dream. Today I'm going to get it back.
Join me in being the very best you can be, just for today...... make good decisions- do it for someone you love.

Saturday, June 16, 2012


“For it is only habit and memory that dulls the physical passion. Without memory, each night is the first night, each morning is the first morning, each kiss and touch are the first.”

Friday, June 15, 2012

Heather's Story of How A Mesothelioma Diagnosis Changed Her Life

This is a new thing for The Pear Workshop, a guest blogger.
I am honored that Heather has contacted me to share her story through my blog. I'm a fan of brave women, we all have a story and when it's shared freely we become conduits for pure goodness.

In Heather's words:
One of the most overused sayings of all time is, “it takes a village.” That phrase is extremely common, but I have had experiences in my life that have caused me to really believe in it. Lily, my daughter, was born on August 5, 2005. I had a normal pregnancy except for the emergency c-section. My husband, his family, our friends, and my parents were there to help us welcome our child into the world. Everything was going so perfect that I did not expect that my life would soon take a turn for the worst.

A month after I went back to work, I began to experience fatigue and shortness of breath. I could have easily attributed those symptoms to being a new mother, but my gut feeling told me that something was not right. I went to the doctor and underwent a series of tests. The results confirmed that I was suffering from something that was far worse than stress.

 I was diagnosed with mesothelioma in November of 2005. That was just 3 ½ months after my daughter was born. Mesothelioma is an extremely rare form of cancer that occurs as the result of asbestos exposure. It turns out that I had come in contact with asbestos when I was a child.

My doctor told me that I could expect to live 15 weeks without treatment. I immediately began to think about how that would affect my husband and daughter. If I would have died, I would have left them alone. I could not bear that thought, so I decided that I would get the most drastic treatment possible to fight this cancer. On February 2, I underwent a procedure called  an extrapleural pneumenectomy. The surgery removed my entire left lung and all of its surrounding tissue. I had to spend 18 days in the hospital. I also had to undergo two months of recovery at home before beginning chemotherapy and radiation treatment. 

It is hard adjusting to motherhood, but when you are fighting mesothelioma, the task is even more difficult. Today, I am free of cancer, but I can honestly say that I would not be here without my village. My family and friends were there with me the whole time to help me raise my daughter. Even though I had to experience some of Lily’s first milestones via black and white photographs, looking at them helped me keep fighting.

 The most important thing that I learned from my ordeal is that life should be cherished because it is fragile. Cancer is bad, but sometimes, good things can come out of trying circumstances.

Heather Von St James is a 43-year-old wife and mother. Upon her diagnosis of mesothelioma, she vowed to be a source of hope for other patients who found themselves with the same diagnosis. Now, over 6 years later, her story has been helping people all over the globe. She continues her advocacy and awareness work by blogging, speaking and sharing her message of hope and healing with others. Check out her story at the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance Blog

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Collaborative Energy

Collaborative energy is the most powerful thing I have ever experienced. I plan to slide and flow into it and take my hands off the wheel.

thought for the day:
For so long I've been living in hiding~invisible~ now I say, "world I'm here. Notice me, Love me hate me watch me shine. I shrouded in all kinds of complicated layers and was wildly successful at becoming nobody but my heart screamed out. My body decided to dance and get up out of it's wheel chair and knock off it's prosthetics. It's a messy Joy I'm in ~ it's a ruckus adolescent party and I'm swinging from the rafters a bit while the world sits back and tisks its tongue and wags it's finger. I'll laugh my crazy wide open laugh. Just for a little while until a new comfort settles in.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

On Pain

 Moving Water by Rumi
When  you do things from your soul, you feel a river
moving in you, a joy.

When actions come from another section, the feeling
disappears.  Don't let others lead you.  They may be blind or, worse, vultures.
Reach for the rope of God.  And what is that?  Putting aside self-will.
Because of willfulness people sit in jail, the trapped bird's wings are tied,
fish sizzle in the skillet. The anger of police is willfulness.  You've seen a magistrate
inflict visible punishment.  Now see the invisible.  If you could leave your selfishness, you
would see how you've been torturing your soul.  We are born and live inside black water in a well.

How could we know what an open field of sunlight is? Don't
insist on going where you think you want to go.  Ask the way to the spring.  
Your living pieces will form a harmony.  There is a moving palace that floats in the air
with balconies and clear water flowing through, infinity everywhere, yet contained

On Pain: Where does it exist this thing that rips me up like the flag hanging patiently in reverence? That daughter of fear and enemy of Love? I invite it in at times, only because it has been the best of familiar friends. Like all friends it lets me down yet I know it so well I let it stay and rub my feet. I've known it the entirety of my life and it forces me to live well even though there have been times I got deep into to bed with it. It's my house guest today yet we don't visit very often anymore. "You'll keep it until you no longer need it", a wise friend once told me. I don't think I need it anymore, this pain. I'll invite it to leave now and choose joy and Love. Will you join me, J.? Let's leave this friend at the train station now and say goodbye for good. I no longer need it or have patience for it

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don’t go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep.

Don't go back to sleep
There is a community of the spirit.
Join it, and feel the delight
of walking in the noisy street
and being the noise.
Drink all your passion, 
and be a disgrace.
Close both eyes 
to see with the other eye.