Wednesday, September 14, 2011

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning." Catherine Aird

That's me, a horrible warning.

I have blogged this quote before but it just happens to be appropriate again.  Sometimes I'm a real idiot and the only way I can justify it is if others learn from my mistakes. Fodder for the perpetual self flagellation is never far away.  Yesterday I wrote about my new Piaggio Fly and how I was so fly and not beating my head against the closed window like a fly. Today is entirely another story and the Latin term for 'buyer beware' /ˌkæviːɑːt ˈɛmptɔr/) keeps rolling around in my head. I am going to humble myself down to the level I'm feeling in my heart right now and tell you my sordid story.
It started out with me doing research, test driving and learning about scooters. For some reason when it came to choosing a bike and handing over my money all my maturity went right out with the garbage. I way overpaid in CASH to a girl named Laura-Sophie Brooks Hurley for a bike that she didn't tell me had been in a bad spill. Today when I took it for a service the kind people at KGB Motorsports pointed out all the flaws and with each my heart broke a little. All the symptoms of an emotional aneurism came over me and I thought I was going to pass out and throw up. I'm a starving artist and a newly single mother that really shouldn't make stupid financial mistakes or indulge in any fun at all. I'm not sure why I forget so easily and go off in search of more fun and, quite frankly, danger! Why? They say mistakes are valuable because that's how we learn. but what about if we don't..... learn, that is? What then? I'm pissed off at the dishonesty of the person who sold it to me, I'm very pissed off at myself. As much as I could hope that things would turn in my favor and I would be able to go back, I can't.

What I have to do now is forgive. Forgive myself, forgive Laura. I just have such a trusting soul and today I feel fear of a hostile world full of scammers and meanies.
Maybe my husband was right, "I can't survive by myself"

A dear friend pointed out to me this morning about the rides at the fair. It's the ones that go off in all directions and jerk us around that we seek out. The nice little calm rides are.... boring..... I usually go on the boring ones and once and awhile I shut off the wise voice and I jump on one of the crazy rides and wrestle around a bit.

1 comment:

rebecca said...

Ah Carrie- sorry to hear of this misfortune. I remember when my parents retired 20yrs ago, I wanted to retire with them. Although I'm a believer in common sense and responsibility, I don't like having to actually BE an adult. :0P. Hopefully, things will work your way- you are beautiful, smart and creative- good things shall come, too.