Monday, September 19, 2011

I had such a great time talking with the gang at Katalyst from Tribehouse last Monday night. Bursting with gratitude!

Friday, September 16, 2011

sent to me by KendraArt and Borrowed from Bob Proctor!

It's Not Easy
Let's be honest. Ethics is not for wimps.
It's not easy being a good person.
It's not easy to be honest when it might be costly, to play fair when others cheat, or to keep
inconvenient promises.
It's not easy to stand up for our beliefs and still respect differing viewpoints.
It's not easy to control powerful impulses, to be accountable for our attitudes and actions, to tackle unpleasant tasks, or to sacrifice the now for later.
It's not easy to bear criticism and learn from it without getting angry, to take advice, or to admit error.
It's not easy to feel genuine remorse and apologize sincerely, or to accept apologies graciously and truly forgive.
It's not easy to stop feeling like a victim, to resist cynicism, or to make the best of every situation.
It's not easy to be consistently kind, to think of others first, to judge generously, or to give the benefit of the doubt.
It's not easy to be grateful or to give without concern for reward or gratitude.
It's not easy to fail and still keep trying, to learn from failure, to risk failing again, to start over, to lose with grace, or to be glad of another's success.
It's not easy to look at ourselves honestly and be accountable, to avoid excuses and rationalizations, or to resist temptations.
No, being a person of character isn't easy. That's why it's such a lofty goal and an admirable achievement.

OK, so if you've been following my drama the last couple of days you know I've been a big baby having a tantrum over getting scammed on my scooter purchase. I'm still not completely over being mad at myself and the seller but I am embarrassed at the way I've been dealing with it. It was a cool debate on facebook, I always love those status updates that bring on the debate! I think the only other big one I posted was about a black widow on my doorstep. Apparently, I'm all about drama and complicating my life...... a natural victim of sorts. A close mentor says, "go to small claims court". Not because I'll win but because I need to get over being a victim. I'm still getting an almost 50/50 on this one but totally open to opinions. The thing is, I wonder if I would just get myself all worked up..... keep it alive..... stay angry. What an anti-climax if I lost the case. My bike looks hot and it runs fine so far I just paid about $700 too much for it. My ego is bruised thinking about the nice helmet I could have instead of getting hosed.
On another note, this week I had one of the most exciting moments of my artistic career. I was invited to speak at a cool arts group called Katalyst through Tribehouse. These guys are the ultimate in peers and it was such a validating, rewarding experience to be in creative convo with them! I'm going to a summit in October as well which I'm over the moon about.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

"If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning." Catherine Aird

That's me, a horrible warning.

I have blogged this quote before but it just happens to be appropriate again.  Sometimes I'm a real idiot and the only way I can justify it is if others learn from my mistakes. Fodder for the perpetual self flagellation is never far away.  Yesterday I wrote about my new Piaggio Fly and how I was so fly and not beating my head against the closed window like a fly. Today is entirely another story and the Latin term for 'buyer beware' /ˌkæviːɑːt ˈɛmptɔr/) keeps rolling around in my head. I am going to humble myself down to the level I'm feeling in my heart right now and tell you my sordid story.
It started out with me doing research, test driving and learning about scooters. For some reason when it came to choosing a bike and handing over my money all my maturity went right out with the garbage. I way overpaid in CASH to a girl named Laura-Sophie Brooks Hurley for a bike that she didn't tell me had been in a bad spill. Today when I took it for a service the kind people at KGB Motorsports pointed out all the flaws and with each my heart broke a little. All the symptoms of an emotional aneurism came over me and I thought I was going to pass out and throw up. I'm a starving artist and a newly single mother that really shouldn't make stupid financial mistakes or indulge in any fun at all. I'm not sure why I forget so easily and go off in search of more fun and, quite frankly, danger! Why? They say mistakes are valuable because that's how we learn. but what about if we don't..... learn, that is? What then? I'm pissed off at the dishonesty of the person who sold it to me, I'm very pissed off at myself. As much as I could hope that things would turn in my favor and I would be able to go back, I can't.

What I have to do now is forgive. Forgive myself, forgive Laura. I just have such a trusting soul and today I feel fear of a hostile world full of scammers and meanies.
Maybe my husband was right, "I can't survive by myself"

A dear friend pointed out to me this morning about the rides at the fair. It's the ones that go off in all directions and jerk us around that we seek out. The nice little calm rides are.... boring..... I usually go on the boring ones and once and awhile I shut off the wise voice and I jump on one of the crazy rides and wrestle around a bit.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I bought a little Piaggio Fly scooter. It is adorable and I love riding around with my hot  hot helmet on! I can park anywhere and the gas is about $3 per week. I'm so free.... not just on my scooter but in my life. The dissolve of my 22 year relationship in February has been devastating and lonely but on the other hand, I'm free to be me. This is good, right?
Have you ever heard the story of the fly who buzzes incessantly  into a window when just a few feet over there is an open door? The poor creature wants so badly to be free of the clear glass boundary. He can see the great big outside world yet try as he might he can't get out there. If he could relax and stand back just a bit he could quietly jet out that door and have all the joyous freedoms of the world. Do you ever feel like that fly? I do. I have. For so many years I have slammed into that glass pane seeing what was out there and not being able to fly out. Lately, I feel the ease that comes only from faith in something, anything bigger than yourself. I have stood back ever so slightly from the blocks, just enough to see how wide open the world is if I wait for the space reserved for me. Oh sure, I doubt all the time and start flying into the window headfirst... slam, slam slam. Less and less, lighter and lighter if I choose Love and freedom over fear and control.

I promise you the same little flame.