I truly believe in timing and no mistakes. Lately, I am mindful and watchful of every moment of every day. I am a toddler playing hide and seek with God and our rooms are the universe, peeking around dark corners and vibrating with anticipation when I get so close to him I can hear his breath. I find him everyday, sometimes with a great big BOO surprise and I jump and giggle nervously at the magnitude of my discovery.
So when I watched a series of six youtube videos of an interview with Dr. John DeMartini I had an eyeopening, an awakening into the next phase for me. (click on the name to see the vids) Dr. Demartini says, "where isn't God", meaning why do we think that God is not in money? He talks about building wealth in terms of finding something that is of service to others. It hit me hard that wealth is about being of service to other people and then being of service to some more so that you can hire so they can be of service. Working at my gift of making art is effortless and so it is with all the things I've learned about staying true to myself and now being of service to the world I am veering gently to a new direction.
It scares me to write this down, especially publicly, but My life seems to be defined by the risks I'm taking. I have always felt undeserving of earning a living and therefore, depended on my dad and my husband to support me. I abdicated all my rights, I was alive because someone else was supporting me.... they had VALUE, I had none. One of the last things my husband said to me as he was walking out the door was, "you won't survive without someone like me". I plan to prove myself wrong, yes..... myself. See I believed him and I believed my dad and I believed my own assessment, that I couldn't survive without being a nothing and depending on another. I have a new belief, I'm not sure what it looks like yet, that I can be of service and I can be compensated for it enough to live well and raise my wonderful babies. I believe that I'm worthy of autonomy and that, when it's time, I can be interdependent in a warm, loving, healthy way.
thought for the day:
What is art to me? Art is a story. it's a story of and by the maker and it's a story of and by the viewer and the interaction between creation and enjoyment. I really hate it when people say, "I know what I like", art is not about liking something. I consider it a fail when I make something that get's a neutral response. I believe that art is to be loved or hated and each is as important as the other. Real art evokes emotion that stirs some sort of connection. I get to experience a complete, urgent and in the moment emotion when I create the art. I wish only, that I will make one thing in my lifetime that tells my story deeply, spiritually to one person on the planet.