Monday, June 27, 2011

Holy moly! I can't even believe how much I love Mary Oliver!!!
This one makes me weep and dance all at the same time.
We just have to create.... just go for it. We are all creating the world we live in even if you think you're not creative, shift your mind-you are creating right now, sitting in your chair-you are oh divine one, you are!

"for how many years have you gone through the house
shutting the windows,
while the rain was still five miles away

and veering, o plum-colored clouds, to the north
away from you

and you did not even know enough
to be sorry,

you were glad
those silver sheets, with the occasional golden staple,

were sweeping on, elsewhere,
violent and electric and uncontrollable--

and will you find yourself finally wanting to forget
all enclosures, including

the enclosure of yourself, o lonely leaf, and will you
dash finally, frantically,

to the windows and haul them open and lean out
to the dark, silvered sky, to everything

that is beyond capture, shouting
i'm here, i'm here! now, now, now, now, now."
— Mary Oliver

Friday, June 24, 2011

I'm so curious if anyone did it? Did you have an Olympic training day? Did you feel great at the end of it? I did and I did!!!! Yesterday I made great strides on the painting that I'm working on for Leon Avenue. It's metal and 2'x4' and I have to use exterior house paint which is so unforgiving! A real challenge but with each change I realize again that the paintings just come through me. I'm a mere conduit, a channel. If I just show up with a brush it just happens and it's so much better if my crazy mind gets out of the way.
Leave me a comment to tell about your Olympic day. I would love to hear about the tiny little things you did a bit differently and the miracles that ensued

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Be Well. Not for yourself but for those who need you.

The greatest gift one can give the world is to be well.
I'm in training. You know, like an olympic athlete?
My games are being an artist, a mother, a friend and an embracer of life. I really want to be excellent at that list........ perfectionist? Maybe.
I have become closer to ultimate wellness than I ever believed possible and I have had my eyes opened to magic. My wish for my wellness is to be a balanced tri.: spiritual, mental and physical.
I know it involves the hardest decisions, above all. The athlete has to decide not to eat certain foods and to have supportive relationships. I too am working on decisions. Lately, most of mine aren't great. Some of them are, though, and they certainly are better than they used to be.
I guess I would like to be good at truth, clarity and brutal balance. I still err on the side of permitting the unacceptable because I am a harbinger of Love. Sometimes wanting to spread Love can mean letting my guard down and not prioritizing, kind of like a silly flower child. Spreading flower petals is romantic and fun in the moment but it can lead you down a path, off course. Somehow, my vision of balance is spreading petals, in the moment, while prioritizing for extreme personal best.

I love having a thin healthy body and a clean mind but most of all it's my big ass wings that I love. They are attached to an even bigger ass glowing soul that needs to make art!

I am aware that complacency can creep in and in the blink of an eye I'm off the training schedule..... slipping away from my Olympic dream. Today I'm going to get it back.
Join me in being the very best you can be, just for today...... make good decisions- do it for someone you love. 

Thursday, June 9, 2011

no mistakes.

I truly believe in timing and no mistakes. Lately, I am mindful and watchful of every moment of every day. I am a toddler playing hide and seek with God and our rooms are the universe, peeking around dark corners and vibrating with anticipation when I get so close to him I can hear his breath. I find him everyday, sometimes with a great big BOO surprise and I jump and giggle nervously at the magnitude of my discovery. 
So when I watched a series of six youtube videos of an interview with Dr. John DeMartini I had an eyeopening, an awakening into the next phase for me. (click on the name to see the vids) Dr. Demartini says, "where isn't God", meaning why do we think that God is not in money? He talks about building wealth in terms of finding something that is of service to others. It hit me hard that wealth is about being of service to other people and then being of service to some more so that you can hire so they can be of service. Working at my gift of making art is effortless and so it is with all the things I've learned about staying true to myself and now being of service to the world I am veering gently to a new direction. 
It scares me to write this down, especially publicly, but My life seems to be defined by the risks I'm taking. I have always felt undeserving of earning a living and therefore, depended on my dad and my husband to support me. I abdicated all my rights, I was alive because someone else was supporting me.... they had VALUE, I had none. One of the last things my husband said to me as he was walking out the door was, "you won't survive without someone like me". I plan to prove myself wrong, yes..... myself. See I believed him and I believed my dad and I believed my own assessment, that I couldn't survive without being a nothing and depending on another. I have a new belief, I'm not sure what it looks like yet, that I can be of service and I can be compensated for it enough to live well and raise my wonderful babies. I believe that I'm worthy of autonomy and that, when it's time, I can be interdependent in a warm, loving, healthy way.

thought for the day:
What is art to me? Art is a story. it's a story of and by the maker and it's a story of and by the viewer and the interaction between creation and enjoyment. I really hate it when people say, "I know what I like", art is not about liking something. I consider it a fail when I make something that get's a neutral response. I believe that art is to be loved or hated and each is as important as the other. Real art evokes emotion that stirs some sort of connection. I get to experience a complete, urgent and in the moment emotion when I create the art. I wish only, that I will make one thing in my lifetime that tells my story deeply, spiritually to one person on the planet.

Monday, June 6, 2011


Years ago I harboured a belief that there is room for all of us. I said over and over to competitive artists, "there is room for everyone". Love never ends....

I had another one of those miracle weeks..... they are becoming the norm and not exception.
There's a re-creation of community going on and I'm amazed to somehow, miraculously be a part of it. It's a gentle rumbling of creatives; musicians, painters, dancers, poets and the spiritual minded. It's inclusive, generous and egalitarian most of all it's kindness and Love. I like to always spell Love with a capital 'L'. Love is not being afraid no matter how steep your mountain is. Love is never about worrying what others are doing and always about you. If we take care, absolutely, of ourselves the Love ripples out and is pure and wonderful and indirectly becomes about everyone else.

On Thursday night I sat in on an evening of art where Jessica Balfour, Nikki Balfour and James Balfour talked about their respective art forms. I took away the message that we all have a gift that comes easy to us, that when we are truly living our authenticity we won't know it because our cells will align with our calling and it will be as easy as breathing. We have been trained that things worth doing are hard and forced that when we are suffering we are living truth. I don't think so. I'm not sure how I'm going to see this through but I hope to explore it in my blog and videos.
Then, on Saturday night I had the privelidge of displaying some of my art at the dynamic 'Touch Collective' event. Wow, what a night! Music, poetry, dance, live painting, a killer D.J. and after the show I danced with a whole bunch of great peeps. So fun and inspiring.

Collaborative energy is the most powerful thing I have ever experienced. I plan to slide and flow into it and take my hands off the wheel.

thought for the day:
For so long I've been living in hiding~invisible~ now I say, "world I'm here. Notice me, Love me hate me watch me shine. I shrouded in all kinds of complicated layers and was wildly successful at becoming nobody but my heart screamed out. My body decided to dance and get up out of it's wheel chair and knock off it's prosthetics. It's a messy Joy I'm in ~ it's a ruckus adolescent party and I'm swinging from the rafters a bit while the world sits back and tisks its tongue and wags it's finger. I'll laugh my crazy wide open laugh. Just for a little while until a new comfort settles in.