Monday, May 23, 2011

Hello Sunshine

hello sunshine
warmer of my soul
my companion
Let me be just your particles and nothingness
that when I hold out my fingertips there is warmth and no division
connected to light and everything and nothing
I beg of you not to judge me sol, lover of my soul

Today I was reminded that wherever I am is exactly where I'm meant to be. A simple stop for coffee turned into an afternoon with new friends, great conversation and inspiration. Follow your heart and your feet each day, don't be afraid....... I promise that great things await.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Painting, Friends and Tenderloin

This week's theme has been about connecting with some of my oldest and dearest friends. Friends that I haven't seen much over the past 20 years. There is Kevin, whom I adore because he is smart, funny, deeply spiritual and completely accepting of my various flaws. We spent hours painting last night. He made me the yummiest steak dinner I've ever had and we watched youtube videos of live painters on his giant TV. I seriously could not have dreamed up such a perfect way to spend a Saturday evening!!! (You may remember last Saturday's post, where I cried in the Walmart). At 6pm Kevin and I waited for the world to end and decided that we'd be happy either way...... painting, a tenderloin steak, great company, I'm good to go wherever it is one goes when the world ends! Here is the painting I made:
It's acrylic on a 10"x14" canvas board. Roxy at Opus set us up with some brand new Pebeo iridescent paint and it is fantastic! The green and blue is all iridescent and reflective. The pink beeded line is made with liquitex pouring medium that I mixed with paint in a squeezy bottle, then  I channeled Jackson Pollock for a sec. super fun. I think Being at Kevin's funky apartment with a few different materials unleashed a new direction.....

On Monday I happened upon Warren, a warm, gentle and steady soul who has been through the ringer with his health and other things. I had written with intention how much I would like a new easel and 2 days later I pulled my car into a parking spot and about a foot in front of me, on the sidewalk was my dear, childhood friend Warren. The short miraculous version of the story is that Warren builds things and has offered to build me an easel..... I'm so excited!

This week in the studio I'm going to set up the projector I've borrowed from Christina, another artsy diva at Opus. She has graciously loaned me this swanky piece of equipment  so I can blow up my drawings onto some bigger surfaces. One of the surfaces is the 2'x4' panel that will be hung on Leon Ave. here in Kelowna. So, lots going on in my creative life and I couldn't be more thrilled! I hope to get back to some video this week too.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

"let the soft animal of your body love what it loves", Mary Oliver

I discovered today that there is still a crater in my heart, I wonder if there is even a heart left that darn crater is so big. I mistaken, at times, the thin pink layer of skin as healed, all healed up and ready to go. Then the wide eyed, pink maned Leo jumps into adventures with both feet so strong and proud...... all head up, all healed up. "I'm fine" I say between sobs from the peeling back of that new fresh skin. There are just so many people eager to get under there and peel it back it seems. So the choice becomes a)trust them and jump in and take a risk or b) hide out, alone. This is where a book about life might come in handy but probably, even knowing what I do now, I will still pick option a. And maybe, just maybe one of the adventures will be the one to help it heal. In the mean time I'll have a healthy dose of scar tissue.

Can someone  please mail me the copy of that handbook, you know the one for living and loving and knowing how to be. I seem to have been left off of the mailing list, I'm sure that one of you has a copy I can borrow. It won't take me long to read as I'm an eager student and a quick study, I'll get it back to you just as soon as I have it all figured out.

I hate advice....... it really ticks me off. But, at this particular moment in time I love Lilly Allen's little tune and I'm singing it at the top of my lungs. You know the one? F. U. very very much.

I also love the way Mary Oliver nails it when she asks, "what will you do with your one wild and precious life"?

"You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
call to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things."
— Mary Oliver

Sunday, May 15, 2011

I went to Walmart last night for breath mint strips, cotton balls, and a lighter for candles. I returned a pair of pantyhose. I cried. I was having a great big pity party that it was saturday night and I was in Walmart. The 300 lb girl in front of me in the pink and red striped pyjamas had a someone with his arm around her. Me, I was alone and bored..... bad combination.
I came home to a house full of music and laughter and 17 year olds. I plugged in Julia Roberts; eating praying and loving and felt somehow pacified. If I can just hang in between those, the blissful moments, pacified moments. Make them the cornerstones of my life. Remember that even though the pain is so intense at times it really is not as powerful as the unexpected miraculous Love that has flooded over me. I am shocked and amazed everyday that the miracles continue to roll in and they're big, bold unfathomable miracles.
One of the miracles:
I have been invited to be part of a group of artists who will each paint a large panel to hang over Leon Avenue in Kelowna. It will be part of beautifying the block where our  Gospel mission is. The residents of the area are homeless and often facing massive challenges. Art heals. Bringing my art to be part of the healing is a daunting yet amazingly rich order and nothing less than a miracle. Here is my latest youtube video. Please subscribe to my channel. I plan to keep taping all my creative processes. Another miracle: Kim McMechan is the brilliant musician behind the piano on my 'Pear Tree' series of videos. AND in the summer I will be using James Balfour's amazing tunes...... this is really one of the most exciting things ever!!! I love collaboration.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

what I'm working on today

I'm loving every moment of this process, the painting and the video documenting of the painting! It's still going to be awhile and possibly will be about 4 vids long. So I've decided while working on this painting that it's high time I got a new easel. This one is about 17 years old and it was a cheap student easel when I bought it. I've had dreams of someone building me a cool one that could turn and stuff..... I know an artist who's husband built her one like that. I just asked a friend, "are you making room for something great to come into your life"? but the funny thing is, I think I was actually asking myself. Do you ever do that..... mention something all wise and stuff and realize that it was meant for YOU? Wow, maybe everything falls into that category. I digress. I need a new easel. That's intention speaking to the universe because I have no idea how it's going to come to me. 

This is the one I want, Universe

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Pear Tree.m4v

What if.......

What if, I went back to school next September to finish my bachelor of fine arts? I wonder? So many things go through my mind at the possibilities. I could study Art History like I've dreamed of doing. I could explore my fascination with all the women artists who've gone before me and risked everything to shout out their creative words. Their voices are calling me, I can hear Frida with her lovely mexican lilt and Georgia so gentle and buttery. Mary Cassat, I don't know you very well but girl, maybe we could catch up over tea. I bought the domain name herfootsteps dot com and I am going to visit all those women artists around the world, and hopefully bring some other like minded individuals with me.
OR, Artemisia Gentileschi 1593–1652 who painted Judith Slaying Holofernes. Now there's a woman I could get to know, if she'd let me in. I absolutely love this painting and I need to learn why, technically! 
When I first knew I needed to study art history it was with distain but within days of my first class I was hooked. i think it was largely, in part, due to the instructor. Mireille Perron, the only women I've ever fallen in love with, made everything sound romantic. Even when she said Dada or Barbarian I hung on every syllable.  So now, almost 18 years later I want to get back at it. Studying and becoming a degree carrying woman. There are some things I need to find out; can I use any of my credits from the 2 years of art school I did back in the '90's? How much does it cost and WHERE am I going to get the money. I think when one gets the desire and the in-spiration (spirit) the means will follow. So off I continue on my yellow brick road to discover if this is part of my future. 

I celebrated both my kids birthdays this weekend, mother's day is poignant because they are both officially teenagers now. My baby is 13 and I really can't believe it. I do feel as though I'm in a re-invention phase of life..... so many changes and unknowns. I think the old me would have been trying to find a big rock to crawl under but the new and improved me is just excited and full of wonder at what's around the next bend. I'm a size 4, wonders never cease!!!! If I can be 135 lbs and a size 4 anything is possible, maybe even bliss and abundance.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Richest Girl in the World

The long row of 100 foot Pines, beyond the apple orchard, are swaying in the wind. They are somehow strong and precarious at the same time. Some of them have the tell tale red of pine-beetle damage. I've seen a few fall about half way down, with such force it takes your breath away. I had been thinking about a hike today.  Instead I warmed up my bean bags and curled up with Oprah interviewing president and Mrs. Obama. and my blog. The air still has a chill and the apple trees are all pulled in like spectators at a winter parade. My dad, my hero, who has his ear quietly to the pulse of the earth says, "the apple blossoms are a month behind this year". Every spring at the this time I head up the hill behind my house and am in awe and wonder that the old abandoned cherry orchard is in bloom and the bees have come back to collect pollen. I know some say there are signs of change, but here in this miraculous pocket that I call home the quail still bob up the rows at dusk and back down again at dawn. The dogs circuit the property line like deputies and you can see stars at night for the black sky. ('Grass grows without edges and bees are princes', that's a line from my children's story I hope to publish someday.)
I'm letting go, now, of the home I've lived the longest in. We might be here a while yet but I need to let go never-the-less. To all things comes an end.
Last night was the Artists For Japan Disaster Relief Concert. I can safely say I am not a naturally talented fundraiser. it was a fun run through small town stardom and philanthropy and now I wait faithfully for the next message from the universe. There are rumblings and, like my dad, I keep my ear to the earth.

In-spired or in-the-spirit is the way I am living now. I was recently introduced to the poetry of David Whyte and love this line of his "what you can plan is too small for you to live" so I have attempted to stop planning. it's much harder than it sounds, in fact I already have plans for Thursday and Friday Oh gosh I guess for the weekend too..... I'm not even much of a planner so you gold A-types out there must be having a hell of a time. I recommend making mistakes in your plan at the very least, I have the most wonderful surprises come out of my mistakes.