Friday, April 1, 2011

a lot can change in a week

A whole lot can change in a week. One day last week my Facebook post was "alone is so alone". I was fully prepared to cling to my aloneness for an indefinite amount of time. That if pain was what I had to endure I would do it in the most noble way possible and as long as was required. Today, it would seem that the pain of aloneness has a surprising reward and that by walking directly through it and soaking it all up, full on, it was a short run.
I heard a story once about buffalo facing a storm together by slowly going right through the centre of it. They huddle tight together and use those big furry heads to brave the worst yet shortest distance through the storm. Most other animals sense a storm coming and panic and run the perimeter of it, often getting lost and separated from each other. I decided to step out into the storm, take a risk and really feel the whole hellish thing and I thought I was going it alone. What I discovered is that when I stepped out and took the risk a whole bunch of people stepped in to huddle around me and protect me while I walked through the most difficult.
I am constantly reminded by the cosmic power of each tiny step I take out into a storm I will be taken care of. I am slowly learning to let each day be it's own massive, endless and exciting universe. That tomorrow truly has not been created yet and that today is so beautiful and fulfilling even when I stay in my jammies. I know that there is no room for guilt or regret. That I deserve all good things and really, even the days where I wail in indulgent self-pity are good days. I sit and smile and wonder what is coming tomorrow for today is everything.... how could tomorrow be more?
I'm so inspired by this artist http://www.facebook.com/album.php?id=1332781174&aid=2111366

2 comments:

Crazy Mama said...

Inspiring post!

Scott said...

I am honored that you would be inspired by my work, Carrie, as I find your work extraordinary by every measure. I'm very humbled by this. If we bury our big furry heads together we can get through any storm, by staying in the herd we breathe in the power of God in each other. You are amazingly honest living transparently, it's beautiful.