Sunday, March 27, 2011

Picture by Sean from The Capital News
What a roller coaster week.
A Facebook group going viral, much media attention (above picture taken by Sean of The Capital News), A day long photo-shoot for the Kelowna Elizabeth Fry Society a spring art show and a visit from Dave
There's a horse sitting on my chest square between that dip in the center of my collar bone. It won't get up and I've been dragging it around since Thursday. It took up residence there the other day when I saw my husband across the parking lot of the coffee shop we'd agreed to meet at.

I had watched the back end of his van drive away exactly 6 weeks earlier, turn the corner just below my studio, outside of the Starbucks where we'd had coffee, and drive off. I slipped into my little car and sobbed an audible no, no, no that I didn't recognize as my own voice. In that instant I recognized my deep and impossible Love that couldn't stay as it was but that hadn't yet been re-invented. Limbo. It felt as though someone had peeled my skin off and I was raw and pure pain incarnate for a few days..... time as they say does heel wounds. After my token days of drama I emerged and got on with the prospect of being the very best, yet hugely insufficient mother, I could be and continue on with building my personal artist brand.  I was busy yet full and satisfied. I had many moments of worry and doubt in the job I was doing with the kids on my own but the ability to make decisions without an argument over every little thing was refreshing.
Now, I am back at that place I had left. The painful alone place, despite being surrounded by the most amazing generous loving people. The One that used to warm my feet at night is gone in another direction. I'll be OK, I really don't want pity. I'm going to keep going and make art and just Love everyone to the Max.
On to new and Fabulous amazing things, on my own

3 comments:

Painting Tips and Tricks said...

This is such a great site! I like the way you set this up! Great content and images as well! Thanks for sharing this!...Daniel

sarah said...

you look beautiful...:O)

and you were/are amazing with The Artists for Japan project...

hope to see you soon...

Sarah xx

Scott said...

That kind of "raw skin" honesty is an inspirational gift, Carrie, I can see it in the heart of your work too, what a truly beautiful soul you have. And what amazing gifts you give to your children by living your truth out loud with your honesty and emotions and love. Peace and blessings to you always, ~Scott